Deep Thoughts I’ve Never Told You Before
This is a rather special blog post, very personal, more about me personally and not my style. There are so many deep thoughts I’ve never told you before. Now it’s time to talk about this.
Do you remember when I talked about the accident I had almost exactly four years ago? If you missed it please check this out here, you might better understand of what I am talking about. Also, I’m not expecting you to pity me, I want to explain more about how my life turns from easy and normal to hard and weird. I just feel like I need to talk to cure it.
The reason why I’m writing this blog post is because I would like everyone to know more and be aware that invisible disabilities exist and to protect our rights.
Why I Wanted To Talk About It
As I had a serious head trauma and a lot of reeduction to learn again how to live, I have a disability card. This card allows me to skip the waiting line.
Last week, I was at the supermarket and was SO tired! When I saw few people before me in line, I decided, for once, to show this card. I usually never do that, I don’t dare, do not assume it at all and I’m afraid to do so. Trust me, this time I should not have…
A stupid and dumb guy, wearing tank top/shorts/flip flops, the most fashionable combo I’ve ever seen, just shot me down before I could say anything. This grumpy man shouted very loud: “it’s not her card, look at her she has nothing, she’s not disabled at all!” Shame on him!
It was on Saturday, around 4pm, so crowded, everyone was looking at me. I felt like I was humiliated. The worst part is that I was SO shocked that I got completely stuck and started to cry! I just wanted to hide myself and never ever see all these people around me again.
I was devastated. Still in shock. What is making me crazy is that when you see a pregnant woman or old lady, you don’t even think twice before let them pass. And when you see someone physically normal, no way to let her pass!
The Impact On Me
I think, no I’m sure it’s something that I could never forget and pass over this very bad and humiliating experience. Even if these words made me feel so low and weak, I’m trying to remember from where I come. I should be proud of all I achieved these last years and enjoy every single moment of life!
No one can judge who you are, they can’t know what you’ve been through. If I have this card, it’s not for nothing and I’m entitled to use it! I’m tired to feel so low whereas I’m just like you. Unfortunately my life just turned out a little bit more complicated than expected. My dad said that I should be relieved, in a way, because no one can notice I almost died four years ago.
What I’m Trying To Say
We all have our personal issues, no matter if they are about health or jobs or relationships, we have to talk about it and explain.
I’m not generalizing because it depends on everyone, but in my case, I know I have to explain more about my lifestyle and the impact of severe head trauma. Although I can hardly talk about this, I should/must do it!
For example, why I can’t have a busy meeting all day long or staying up all night long (…) like a girl of my age.
I feel so sorry, both for me and other people victim of unfairness. I am aware that some things are hard for me unlike for some others, and vice versa.
Miraculously, I had the chance for not having been disfigured. I am alive but I am mentally deeply shocked. Even more when I see people don’t give a s*** about me while I need help.
It Takes Time, So Much Time
Every day, I realize a little bit more how much I need help. I have been traumatized and so I still am. My brain has been damaged and I miraculously recovered. If only I could erase all I’ve been through in my unconscious mind, I really wish I could.
I’ve been waiting for almost four years to get back to a proper hair length, can you believe it? Now, I want to get over it and I should not be afraid of telling people around about what I can’t do. I want to be fearless, shameless, no more weakness. I want to be normal, just like people of my age! Of course, I know it’s going to take time, but better late than never and I’m trying so badly to get through this, as much as I can.
That’s the tough life of a head trauma girl, and I hope you are all able to understand.
PS. I’m doing a lot of things everyday (almost more than before), exercising, and trying to make my life as normal as it’s supposed be. I’m just giving priority to productivity. Once again, I really don’t want to complain. I just want any support you can give me, like a kind of smile or listen to me when I talk or put me at ease.
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be Kind. Always. – Brad Meltzer